San Miguel: The Exorcist

“Niyaya mo akong mamasyal sa zoo.
Ang sabi mo kasi kailangan mo ng kasama.
Sumama naman ako kasi crush kita noon pa.
Kung sabagay gusto ko na ring magka…alam mo na.”

I don’t know if you know that song but since you asked me to join you that day several months ago my dreary life becomes even bleaker. Oh you do not know how you made me miserable. It’s like I was suddenly thrown into the eternal fires of Sheol.

Good thing I met San Miguel. Suddenly, I have someone to dance with, although, it is a very slow and shitty death waltz.

It is not that I blame you for this jam I’m in. No, no, no. It is not your fault. I guess, I was just too naïve in spite of the fact that I’ve been walking this savage garden for three decades now. I just thought you were the one. But I was mortally wrong

I never knew I would fall for this crap again. Caesar, my best friend, said it was a good thing: that I am still capable of that dreadful thing called love. But how can it be good when it brings so much pain?

Loving you is lethal. It’s madness. Was it the Dominatrix of the Universe who said we all go a bit cuckoo when we fall in love? The worst part is listening to Frank Sinatra’s “In the wee small hours of the morning.”

Who would want to drown in sorrow when one could seek comfort from San Miguel? So, I did the one thing that I know would help me: to drink my anguish and swallow the bitter taste of my grief. Dionysus tried to stop me. She said it would not help me at all but I ignored her.

So, everyday, I dance. Hidden from the prying eyes of everyone I reach for San Miguel and we dance! I would embrace his slender and bluish body and grip him so tight so he would not escape from me. We would sway to the music of Smashing Pumpkin’s Landslide or to Supercar’s Wonder Word. We would stomp our feet, pluck the strings of our air guitars and scream out the lyrics until I would lose consciousness.

I know I have to stop mooning for you. So, I am exorcising you out my system. I am casting you out. Now.

By the power of San Miguel, I compel you! Swig.

By the power of San Miguel, I compel you! Gulp.

By the power of San Miguel, I compel you out of my life. Belch.

Salud!