Da Vinci Code is bad for your health

You listened to the nonsensical debate over whether it should be shown. You laughed at the congressman cum pastor who said that the movie was the work of Satan. By the way, he looked like a rabid dog on TV.

You read the early reviews which you hated. You told yourself that the critics don’t get it. “They just don’t get it,” you murmured to yourself.

You even bought a copy from your suking DVD vendor only to find out that it was the documentary and not the movie. You contemplated whether to return and throw the freaking copy at your suki’s face. You hesitated. He weighs 250 lbs and is taller than you by 3 inches. Besides, he is a member of the local syndicate and is known as the Berdugo ng Cotobato. Also, he looked really mean with that goatee which is 5 inches long. You felt weak.

Your friends sent you the text message with the supposed code in Tagalog which you forwarded to all the numbers in your address book. This made you miserable because you just wasted 250 pesos worth of load. You realized that your life is pathetic. You are PATHETIC. You derived pleasure from receiving and sending jokes via SMS.

You asked another friend to watch the movie with you. He declined. He said that he read the book and decided not to watch the movie. “Besides the movie is BAAAAAD,” he said. You told your friend that he is an idiot. “How can it be that bad when millions of people from around the world line up to watch the movie? It was the 12th Best Opening Day in Hollywood”, you screamed at your friend. He looked at you in the most condescending way and said: “Get a life, you freak.” You almost fell on your knees when you heard your friend uttered those words. You took double steps backward. “Why? I thought you were my friend,” you mumbled. You felt the horror of being nothing.

You ran away without looking back. You felt hot tears streaming down your face then something hit you. Scrreeeeech! Baaam! Blag! You heard people screaming. Your body ached terribly and the last thing you saw was the poster on the side of the bus that said: “Now showing: Da Vinci Code.” Before losing consciousness you muttered: “Tangina kasing hype yan eh.” Then you closed your eyes and there was nothing but darkness.