Da Vinci Code is bad for your health

You listened to the nonsensical debate over whether it should be shown. You laughed at the congressman cum pastor who said that the movie was the work of Satan. By the way, he looked like a rabid dog on TV.

You read the early reviews which you hated. You told yourself that the critics don’t get it. “They just don’t get it,” you murmured to yourself.

You even bought a copy from your suking DVD vendor only to find out that it was the documentary and not the movie. You contemplated whether to return and throw the freaking copy at your suki’s face. You hesitated. He weighs 250 lbs and is taller than you by 3 inches. Besides, he is a member of the local syndicate and is known as the Berdugo ng Cotobato. Also, he looked really mean with that goatee which is 5 inches long. You felt weak.

Your friends sent you the text message with the supposed code in Tagalog which you forwarded to all the numbers in your address book. This made you miserable because you just wasted 250 pesos worth of load. You realized that your life is pathetic. You are PATHETIC. You derived pleasure from receiving and sending jokes via SMS.

You asked another friend to watch the movie with you. He declined. He said that he read the book and decided not to watch the movie. “Besides the movie is BAAAAAD,” he said. You told your friend that he is an idiot. “How can it be that bad when millions of people from around the world line up to watch the movie? It was the 12th Best Opening Day in Hollywood”, you screamed at your friend. He looked at you in the most condescending way and said: “Get a life, you freak.” You almost fell on your knees when you heard your friend uttered those words. You took double steps backward. “Why? I thought you were my friend,” you mumbled. You felt the horror of being nothing.

You ran away without looking back. You felt hot tears streaming down your face then something hit you. Scrreeeeech! Baaam! Blag! You heard people screaming. Your body ached terribly and the last thing you saw was the poster on the side of the bus that said: “Now showing: Da Vinci Code.” Before losing consciousness you muttered: “Tangina kasing hype yan eh.” Then you closed your eyes and there was nothing but darkness.

yes, i know i'm ancient! don't rub it in

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The path to dental salvation

"senri no michi mo ippo kara."

That's a japanese proverb which loosely translates as "a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

This afternoon I took that big, single step to have that confidence, close-up confidence that is. The proverb came to my mind when I visited Mimi the dentist this afternoon. You see my friends and family have been constantly bugging me to visit the dentist and have my teeth fixed and cleaned. Well, overhauled is a more apt term I guess. Yes, I have a very bad set of gnashers! They’re so bad I haven’t had a date for centuries now. Sigh.

Smile you’re on candid camera! (Photo from the BBC)

The culprit for my dental misery: cigarette smoking and all those chemicals I got from drinking soda. Yes, nicotine and coke (the cola!) are weapons of mass destruction for our choppers!

According to Mimi, the carbonic acid from the soda weakens our teeth because it dissolves calcium. This makes it easier for bacteria to take up residence in our teeth. And they (the bacteria) will hole up in there until kingdom come unless you visit your dentist regularly. And I can’t even freakin remember the last time I paid a visit to a denstist.

But Grandmother! What big teeth you have," said Little Red Riding Hood. (Photo from Andrew Skolnick)

So there I was, cavities, tartar, halitosis and all, strapped to the dentist chair for 3 hours for my dental prophylaxis. Yes, it took that long because of all the dirt lodged in my teeth for the past hundred years. Man, it was like being sent down to hell to pay Lucifer a visit!

All I remember was that scritching sound when the dentist tried to rasp off all the tartars from my teeth. Scritch, scritch! Squeak, squeak! It’s like someone is drilling holes in my gums. I tried to escape from the clutches of the MAD dentist but she shoved me back to the chair and slapped me three times to make me unconscious. When I came back to life, the witch was not finished yet! And I could see that she was enjoying it! She was smiling the whole time. The bitch must be a dentist from Auschwitz!

She then barked at me to rinse off all that gross and foul things from my mouth. gargle gargle gargle. rinse rinse rinse. I almost spit all those junk to her face. That biatch! Hehehe.

Finally, after three torturous hours she led me away from the death chamber and handed me the bill. She then looked at me and gave her sweetest smile and told me to be back after a week so she can work on my lower teeth and have them fixed. Jesus Christ! I don’t think I’ll be back in that hellhole. But then this could be my only chance to pick up a date. Oh well.

respect the rights of migrant workers

In the last few weeks, we witnessed the bravery and determination of millions of migrant workers in the United States. In an unprecedented move, migrant workers and human rights advocates joined hands and marched in cities across America to oppose H.R. 4437, the immigration bill passed in the US House of Representatives in December 2005.

Last night, I was watching Fox News Channel (the most biased news organization ever!) and again tens of thousands of migrant workers marched in 26 cities all over the US to protest HR 4437. They walked out from work and schools. They were also able to paralyze businesses across America. Most of the protestors are Hispanics i.e., Mexicans, Guatemalan, El Salvadoran, etc. More than 60% of the 11 million undocumented workers in the US are Mexicans.

Meanwhile, in another part of the world the government of South Korea continues its crackdown against undocumented migrant workers resulting in one more death; this time of a young Indonesian worker. Two years ago, Malaysia's program to deport 'illegal workers' resulted in countless human rights violations such as the abuse of women migrant workers as well as illegal detention in squalid conditions.

Indeed, Labor Day 2006 arrives with a new hope and new threats to the millions of migrant workers worldwide. On one hand, there is a new found strength amidst difficult conditions; while on the other hand, there exist daunting challenges that continue to bring misery to the migrant workers and their families.

I salute the workers in America and support their call for a fair and just immigration reform. The American authorities should respect the rights of the migrant workers and recognize their contributions to its economy and society. America will not be as powerful as it is today if not for the millions of migrants who toiled in its farms and factories.

I also commend the 25 million migrant workers across Asia for their courage and steadfastness despite the appalling and terrible conditions they are living in. In exchange for a better future for their families, they endure hardships and abuses inflicted on them. It is now time that we provide migrant workers with the legal protection accorded other regular workers. As the UN High Commission for Human Rights said: "The right of the migrant workers which require protection include the whole gamut of human rights including civil, political, social, economic and cultural rights in particular and their rights as workers, right as women as a specific group (reproductive rights and right to be free from gender-based discrimination and violence)."

Governments around the world must cease from mounting crackdowns and arbitrary expulsion. Articles 22 and 56 of the International Convention on the Protection of the Rights of All Migrant Workers and Members of Their Families address the issue of expulsion and arbitrary expulsion. Paragraph 1 of article 22 expressly prohibits measures of collective expulsion. An expulsion decision must be taken by the competent authority in accordance with law (art. 22, para. 2) and only for reasons defined in the national legislation of the State of employment (art. 56, para. 1). Paragraph 4 of article 22 requires that, except where a final decision has been pronounced by a judicial authority, "the person concerned shall have the right to submit the reason he or she should not be expelled and to have his or her case reviewed by the competent authority, unless compelling reasons of national security required otherwise".

For migrant workers all over, life is a constant struggle. Today, migrant workers may be in bondage but the time will come when they will escape from the clutches of repression and exploitation.