Tuesday, February 14, 2006

top 5 things to avoid this day

(I guess Bin Laden is not a big fan of VD. Photo from Guillemette.)

singles of the world, unite!

i know, today is the most dreaded day for singletons all over the planet. it's the day when we might find ourselves asking the following questions:
  • why am i alone?
  • am i fugly?
  • do i smell?
  • is my halitosis the reason why i am single?
  • is it morally okay if i buy myself a date tonight?
  • is rustom padilla of celebrity PBB really gay? or im just as stupid as Dubya?
  • is GMA evil?
the last two questions are important. if you answer yes to both questions then you have an 85% chance that you can grab a date tonight. why 85%? la lang. hahaha.

anyways, to help you survive this day i've made this list of things to avoid today. you may use and forward this list to your friends or add to it.

top five things to avoid:
  1. don't go to the mall and that includes tiangges. malls are temples of commercialism and today is just a tool of the capitalists to earn more buck. hey, it is isn't about love and romance! it's about the big bucks, you fools!
  2. avoid going out with married friends or friends who have dates.
  3. don't watch romantic, sappy films even celebrity PBB. why PBB? because you might fall in love with keanna's boobies or christian's abs. if you do you'd be heartbroken and would probably end up dead in a few days. why? coz their famous and you're not, and you have a 0% chance of hooking up with them unless you look like heath ledger which in that case means you are probably hitched already.
  4. don't think that it's VD today. ignore and pretend that it is an ordinary day. involve yourself completely in any activity that has nothing to do with VD. what kind of activities? there's reading horror and murder stories. if reading is not your cup of tea then try biking the whole day, or counting how many times you fart a day, or try tasting your own booger. hahaha.
  5. avoid going out. sleep the whole day. oh but file a leave of absence first or else you might find yourself with no lovelife and no work. being jobless is worse than being loveless. trust me.

6 comments:

Rudy man said...

i answered yes to rustom. and ABSOLUTELY YES to gloria.

i felt alone before i tried to taste my booger.

and now i still feel Alone and stupid! waaaaa

gari said...

hahaha so harsh on yourself. singleblessedness is a choice. positive thinking. looking at the glass of wine, half-full. :-D

adi said...

ditto.

although, it would be fun sana kung meron kang ka-lakwatsa.

friends fit that category. surround yourself with friends who affirm you, therefore. prefereably singles rin, pero married and committed would be good also, for insights.

my tip. you can go a radically different way, also.

not that you're asking, but MY way is to watch sunod-sunod na DVDs. o kaya get around to all those reading, assigned or not.

happy VD day..!

Kiss My Mike said...

i heard that rustom is now a hairstylist. is he out yet?

Yowee said...

Rustom is still in the game...i voted for Keana Reeves cause her charitable institution is GABRIELA...and she's interesting to watch too. _*

Anonymous said...

I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! »